Happy Birthday, Louise Brooks! Here's a list of 10 things that Louise, age 110, would have loved about 2016:
1. Laptops! They make writing a whole hell of a lot easier to preserve, not to mention making it SO much easier to research, but it would probably have been her stubborn way to insist on using her typewriter instead. She could have used a laptop for other things though, like shopping and watching Chaplin films. We'd love to read her analysis on the profuse excess of internet pornography. Doubtless, she'd have words on it.
2. Wikipedia! She'd scour the pages for errors and edit all day long to her heart's content. It wouldn't be as good as writing profanities in the columns of books, but it would pass the time.
3. Amazon because cheap books = happiness. She could also finally get her hands on a copy of Samuel Johnson's musings, which she always claimed to be unable to do.
4. Liquor stores that deliver to your door through your phone. #gincoherent
5. Criterion Collection on Filmstruck. But she'd probably call it pretentious and get mad that only one of her films made the cut and NONE of Garbo's did.
6. Online college courses. Emphasis on "online"; Cinema Studies college students would drive her up a wall with their cult knowledge and constant overuse of the word "trope".
7. Dry shampoo for her Rapunzel-esque silver locks. Toward the end of her life she wasn't too fond of showering and did so only once a week, claiming that "age is dirty".
9. iPhone. But god help the librarian who takes phone calls and anyone with messenger that landed in her phonebook. And if she added Facebook? Endless commentary. Fern and Marge wouldn't stand a chance.
10. Our film. (maybe.) (maybe not.)
Even if she's not here, she's left a legacy that causes her to remain in spirit, and we thank the universe for having gifted us with the petulant, brilliant and autonomous Louise Brooks.
Happy Birthday, Breezy.